“Embrace the Suck" A Soldier's Moto
At twenty-one, I was deployed to the Iraqi war. I joined the local National Guard unit as soon as I was eligible after the events of September 11th. Those of us who enlisted during that period understood that deployment was inevitable. The country experienced a surge of patriotism unseen since Pearl Harbor. We had been attacked, and we were compelled to respond.
In the brief span of four years between my enlistment and deployment, life changed significantly. I got married, adopted my oldest son, and welcomed a new baby. These joyful events made departing from home much more challenging. Now, I faced the heart-wrenching task of saying goodbye to my young wife and children, one of the toughest things I've ever had to do.
Only two weeks had passed since my deployment began when a devastating event hit our family. My father-in-law passed away unexpectedly at the age of 48 due to a massive heart attack, leaving behind his wife and my wife's young sister, who was just eight years old. Fortunately, I was still stationed at the mobilization base and hadn't been deployed overseas. I managed to fly back for the funeral, but my stay was brief. As I departed, not only was I leaving my family behind, but I was also leaving them in mourning, unable to offer the comfort they needed.
Roughly a month following her father's death, another tragedy occurred with the loss of her grandfather. It's hard to fathom how she coped with it all. She had endured the loss of her father, and now her grandfather, while her husband was deployed overseas in an unknown location. To survive such times, we learn to bow our heads, adapt, and overcome, to accept the harsh realities. My absence lasted for 16 months.
When I departed, she was just a young girl. Upon my return, she had matured into a woman as resilient as those from the Depression era. From that point forward, we adopted such a mindset towards life. Life can be harsh at times, but the key is to persistently move forward. Never allow it to defeat you.
This experience significantly influenced my approach to ministry. Ministers are occasionally criticized for being seemingly somewhat lazy. It's a common jest among churchgoers that ministry staff work only one day a week. In reality, this can be somewhat accurate for some ministers. I've known many pastors who spent their days lounging in coffee shops, dedicating weekdays to exercise, or mostly staying at home. Under the guise of being "overwhelmed," they would offload their ministerial responsibilities onto congregation members holding full-time jobs. I aspired not to become that kind of pastor.
Not all pastors are the same. I've known many who have worked tirelessly and devoted their lives to the cause of Christ. Yet, it's rare to find one who has mastered a great work-life balance. They tend to either overindulge in the freedom they have or exhaust themselves without limits. I was the latter.
I cannot speak for all pastors, but my ambition was fueled by the desire for human approval. It was also propelled by a disdain for the complacent pastor. I would think to myself, "While you're engrossed in your books and enjoying your Starbucks, I'm out here on a mission serving the needy and engaging in genuine ministry." This frustration intensified when I invited other ministers to volunteer at the mission, only to be met with claims of being too busy.
Over the years, my resentment intensified, and I no longer identified with the typical pastor. My circle of friends was quite small, including only those who grasped the challenges we faced at the mission. It felt as though we were on the frontlines, entrenched in warfare. In my view, everyone else seemed preoccupied with first-world problems. Indeed, pride comes before a fall.
The Story of Absolom
The story of Absalom is recounted in 2 Samuel, chapters 13-19. It's challenging for me to read because I find myself wanting to support the antagonist. Initially, Absalom appears to be a commendable person, standing up for what is right, but his righteous anger evolves into a quest for personal power.
Absalom was infuriated with his father, King David, for failing to deliver justice for his sister, who had been violated by their brother. In response to this disgrace, Absalom took her into his home, where she remained unmarried for the rest of her life. His resentment towards David intensifies with each passage.
Absalom took matters into his own hands by killing his brother, an act that failed to quell his anger. Believing he could rule better than King David, he led a rebellion and seized the throne. However, these actions were against God's will, and Absalom met a tragic end, leading to David's restoration to the throne.
The moral of the story is that even when we believe we are justified, the hidden motives of our hearts may reveal otherwise. We may claim to seek justice, but in truth, we may be driven by self-righteousness. Indeed, I see myself in Absalom.
