The Idol of Ministry

I cannot recall a time in my life when I didn't aspire to be a pastor. At the age of five, I would flip a toy cradle on its side in the children's section of our church and imitate our pastor. This aspiration persisted into my adulthood.

I'm not entirely certain why I wanted to become a preacher. Maybe it was due to a genuine calling in my life. Nevertheless, I am aware that a misguided desire for validation from others played a role.

In my mid-twenties, I took on the roles of a bi-vocational youth and worship pastor at a local church, and simultaneously, I served as the men's counselor for a drug and alcohol recovery program at a nearby rescue mission. I was engaged in some form of ministry six to seven days a week. With each passing year, my responsibilities increased at both institutions, eventually leading me to the position of Senior Director of all Ministries at the mission. Reflecting on that period, it was an immensely exhausting experience and, in hindsight, it was an overwhelming amount to undertake. 

Mission work is profoundly challenging. We ministered to homeless addicts caught in the middle of despair. The counseling sessions were emotionally draining. It felt like we were descending into the grave with them, praying for divine intervention to lift them from spiritual death. Overdoses were frequent. Drug dealers and prostitutes wandered the streets just outside our gates. Receiving late-night calls to intervene in fights was not uncommon. The presence of ambulances, police cars, or fire trucks at our site was a regular occurrence.

I escorted men to their court appearances, provided comfort to those in hospice care, and often officiated their funerals. I conducted random searches for drugs on the property, uncovering crack pipes, heroin needles, and various drugs. I appeared at the local news station to discuss the opioid crisis. (https://whnt.com/taking-action/the-deadly-cost-of-fentanyl-doctors-investigators-addicts-feel-the-drugs-terrible-burden/) Subsequently, I shifted focus to minister to suburban students at church on Sunday evenings, led worship on Sunday mornings, and typically delivered sermons at least once per quarter.

Several factors motivated my actions. Firstly, I had a genuine love for helping others and felt compelled to do so. Secondly, the average minister's salary was nearly insufficient to support a family. Having two incomes allowed me to better care for my wife and children. Thirdly, my deep-seated insecurities were somewhat alleviated by the praise I received from others, which ultimately became my biggest issue.

Many perceive idol worship as a congregation offering sacrifices to a statue they believe is divine. In America, it might manifest as an obsession with sports, addiction, or another unhealthy fixation. However, what if one's idol is the act of serving others for human approval? This form of idolatry is more difficult to recognize and was my greatest. I idolized ministry, making it my god, rather than serving the God behind the ministry. I sacrificed my family and my life on its altar, only to see everything crumble.

Irael and the Bronze Serpent

In the Bible, there is a unique account of the Israelites turning their worship towards a gift God had given them. While wandering in the desert under Moses' leadership, they suffered from a plague of snakes, resulting in many deaths. To address this, God provided a miraculous solution: a bronze serpent. They were instructed to raise this image high, and anyone who looked at it, even if bitten, would not suffer harm. Jesus referred to this event as a foreshadowing of himself. In John 3, He said, "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes may have eternal life." This was meant to be a symbol that ultimately pointed to Him.

Years after God had used an image to rescue them, they rediscovered it. However, instead of using it as a reminder of God's mercy, they began to worship the image itself. The reigning king shattered the image to redirect their hearts back to the God who had provided them with the image.  

 2 Kings 18:4

[4] He removed the high places and broke the pillars and cut down the Asherah. And he broke in pieces the bronze serpent that Moses had made, for until those days the people of Israel had made offerings to it (it was called Nehushtan). (ESV)    

I believe it was through God's grace that my ministry was shattered. This act of misdirected worship led to self-righteousness, pride, and other harmful traits that had to be eradicated to realign my heart with Christ. It marked the start of a difficult process to excise the sin concealed within my heart. 

In the upcoming post, I'll retrace my footsteps of this path.