A Word From The Lord?
October 2017 marked the start of a transformative journey for me, one that began with an unforgettable event. This significant moment didn't lead me down a path of ruin; instead, it unveiled the troubling path I was already on.
I received an invitation to a pastor's conference held at a prominent church in Knoxville, Tennessee. The gathering was intimate, consisting of approximately 20 pastors from large congregations who shared a belief in the ongoing presence of spiritual gifts. The founding pastor of the host church had established his ministry in the late 1990s with a foundational principle of harmonizing the Word with the Spirit. By divine favor, he had nurtured a community that was both doctrinally profound and attuned to the Holy Spirit's dynamism. I found this incredibly inspiring.
The conference aimed to equip these pastors to guide their own churches in a similar vein. Their congregations were doctrinally sound yet lacked the expression of charismatic gifts. While they accepted the perpetuity of these gifts, they hesitated, wary of the potential disarray linked with their active practice in other churches. They sought a structured and scriptural approach to integrate gifts such as prophecy, speaking in tongues, and healing into their worship.
The concept was intriguing, yet I was puzzled by my invitation. I wasn't the senior pastor of my church, and even if I were, our church wasn't particularly receptive to the gifts of the Spirit. Similarly, the ministry where I served as Senior Director wasn't equipped for such ministries. I attended and listened to their discussions, but had little to add.
Nonetheless, I looked forward to the conference's final night. The host church planned to open a listening prayer session to all willing participants. This was their term for prophetic ministry. Eager yet somewhat skeptical, I was keen to discover what the team believed God was communicating to me. After all, who wouldn't want to hear from God?
They were divided into groups of three and sent into small classrooms. In the room, there were individuals we had never met before, who were part of the church's listening prayer team. We later understood the importance of their unfamiliarity with us. They believed that their lack of knowledge about us would prevent their personal thoughts from influencing the prophetic words they received for us.
The session began with the other two men in my group, and the words spoken to them were remarkably accurate. The men were deeply moved and greatly encouraged by what they heard. The messages were full of hope. This made me eager to see how the experience would impact me. Would it confirm my thoughts about starting a church? Could I envision myself as the pastor of a larger congregation? I wondered how God would reveal His blessings to me.
As it came time for them to pray over me, silence enveloped the room. They had cautioned us beforehand that sometimes they received no word for someone. I wondered if that was the case for me. Then, one individual began to recite Hosea 2:17, "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak tenderly to her." He suggested that God might be leading me into a period of trial.
I was utterly speechless and frightened. What could this possibly mean? What sort of trial awaited? An illness, job loss, a death? My thoughts raced. I tried to dismiss it, reasoning that prophecy should be uplifting, yet this felt far from it, despite his gentle delivery. With that, I turned my attention to what others would say next.
Her distressed expression was a clear indication that what followed would be no less unsettling. She shared a vision of me resembling Peter in a boat, being battered by a storm. In her vision, Jesus was on the water, beckoning me to step out of the boat and walk upon the waves. She was convinced that I was engaged in a spiritual battle, yet miracles were within my reach.
The conversation took an odd turn when the next individual asked about my marital status. His surprise was evident when he discovered I was married. He proposed a theory that my spouse and I were traveling on separate paths that would merge in roughly eight years. At that point, he predicted, our individual abilities would come together in a way that had never been seen before.
I was rendered speechless, unaware of what lay ahead in my life. Everything appeared to be running smoothly. I was making progress in my ministry and felt squarely within God's plan for me. Of course, there were aspects I believed I could improve to draw nearer to God. At times, I battled with pride and envied those who seemed more successful. Yet, superficially, everything was quite good.
The conference concluded, and everyone returned home. I relegated what they had shared to the back of my mind, unwilling to dwell on their words and even hoping they were mistaken. I thought, "Maybe this wasn't from God at all." Upon returning home, I relayed the words to my wife. She, more skeptical of such things, also dismissed them. We were oblivious to the fact that a concealed flaw in my heart would soon be revealed, jeopardizing nearly everything I held dear.
